"Mansi, are you awake?" I ask her while looking at the ceiling. "hmm" she hums in her deep sleep.

"I am hungry," I say as my stomach makes groveling sounds. "hmm" she extends her humming as if she is tired. I don't think she will wake up. So all I got to do was sleep hungry. I look at the ceiling fan rotating so that I can fall asleep.

My ego and stubbornness always make me cry later. After a lot of procrastination, I get out of my bed. I slowly start walking in the dark with my flashlight on the phone.

I stumble onto a side table, a paperweight is about to fall which I catch before it touches the ground and breaks—thanking god and my reflex actions for saving me from disappointing looks from my mother.

I carefully go to the fridge and open it just to be disappointed. There is nothing edible in it. All the things that are vegetables need to be cooked to be edible. What happened to the paneer curry without the paneer?

"There is nothing in there"

I stumble back so bad that my phone slips out of my hand. My dad with his amazing reflux actions caught the phone at the right now. Now I know where I get that from.

"you scared me," I say while taking my phone from him. "well I thought there was an intruder in the house but then I realized that a cat returned home today " he says while ruffling my hair.

"so you are hungry"

"oh very much". I was still searching the fridge.

"What happened to that paneer curry?" I say while still hoping to find it in the fridge.

"I threw it in the trash"

"why?" I practically scream for which Dad schusses me off. "why?" I whisper.

"you should never keep outside food in the fridge. Once you are done eating, it should be in the trash"

"what about saving food?"

"what about your health?"

"I have done it a million times in the US. So nothing new would ever happen and by the way, mom is going to kill you" I close the door of the fridge and start checking the snack cupboard to find anything. But to my surprise, it was filled with groceries.

I look at my Dad disappointed and ask him why is it empty by signing. "we stopped bringing unhealthy food the moment you left the house."

I make a sad face and ask "So there is nothing edible to eat in the house"

"There are fruits in the lower cabinet of the fridge"

" I stand by my statement those don't make any difference to it"

"then sleep and wait for the breakfast tomorrow"

"No"

"Seriously it's 3 am so sleep"

"Okay then". As Dad leaves the kitchen I follow him out.

As I was about to go to my room I saw a light on from the window across the hall window of our house. It is not just any window, it is the window. And the room behind it is not just any room. It is the room. It was his room.

How can I forget him? The man in my dreams since he was a boy. Alok rao.

I think I need to surprise him. I quickly get out of the house without making any noise. I may be out of practice, but I think that I can do it.

I go near the window. At first, I prayed to god because I cannot be trusted with my luck nowadays. I do remember the way I used to climb it. How hard can it be it's just 1st floor and I still go to the gym.

I start climbing with the help of the railing and pipes. It is like I did it yesterday. Seems like I subconsciously remember it. I then see through the window, there is a light on in the washroom, so he might be using it.

But in the night? Maybe he is bathing but at night? Oh, good god, I imagined him naked. After the shirtless picture he uploaded on Instagram, all I have are unholy thoughts about him. I need to distract myself before meeting him. I think I am already flushed.

Then I look at the ground, oh god I am at the edge of the pipe. So I open the window without a crack sound. Ok, the window is higher than the pipe. I need to jump. It's a one-chance thing right now. Either I jump and get in or fall I die. Well, the prank is worth dying so I take it. I jump and sit on the window and I sit on the edge of the window.

I take a breath as I finally make it. When I open my eyes I see him. Shocked by his sudden appearance I lost my balance, and was about to fall out the window when he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.

My body hits him. I freeze there for a moment. My heart beating louder than metallic drums, and I could feel my cold breath hit him and reflect on me. I felt something wet on my nose, and when I opened my eyes I saw water dripping from the strands of his hair and falling on me.

Then I look into his eyes. Oh my god, those eyes. Every time I look into them I feel like there is something more to it and I will find it out if I look into it more deeply. Time to distract.

"you scared me"

"and you barged into my room through the window."

"And you got me wet," I say while rubbing the water off my face.

He bites his lower lip while looking. " what?" I say as I am confused. He comes out of trans. He goes to another world far away from reality in seconds.

As I see his Adam's apple move, I think I need to be distracted. Then I look down at his crotch. Wow, that was the wrong move. He moves near me and says, "I think I will get you wetter." He while licking his lower lip shook his head vigorously, making all the water in his hair splitter all over to wet my body.

I scream and push him away. "seriously you need to grow up". I take the towel from the bed go to the mirror and dry myself. "tells the woman who climbed a window to get into my room when she can take the stairs and doors like a normal person "."Hey, I climbed it safely even though I am out of practice." I say this while looking my self in the mirror.

He was in awe and said "Maggi you haven't changed at all"

Maggi, the nickname out of my biggest insecurity. My hair. Mom used to struggle to braid my curly hair compared to Mansi with silky straight hair. Eventually, she gave up and cut my hair short and it has been short ever since. Sometimes I feel if I grow my hair long then I will be attractive, but I cannot maintain curly long hair.

"so when did you come back", I came out of my thoughts and answered "Today morning "

"why didn't you come to Dad's retirement party?", I ask this because I was hoping to see him. I was hoping he would see me when I was dressed well. I wished he would compliment my looks. Look what I have done. I made my come back in this night's shorts. Shit, I should have been a little patient and dressed up well and made my grand entrance.

"I was sleeping, "

"at 11 am?"

"mine is night shift ."

"oh", I was wondering, am I invading his privacy? then I think it's just me so he needs no privacy. 

I looked at him, he had defined pecks as I lowered my gaze I saw his not-so-defined abs. They appear as if they just were there so that everyone knows that they exist. He is not that rigorous gym person which was evident. Then I lower my gaze just to see his white towel hanging pretty low. Oh god, the thought that I am this close to seeing him naked makes me flustered.

When I look up, I see him already looking at me.

Fuck I have been caught out again. "are you checking me out, Maggi?" 

"What is even there check there?" I say as I go and lay on his bed. I need to be pretty smart now.

"oh, I mean My well-toned gym body"

"oh please I have better bodies on the streets of California and don't even think that because I have seen best in strip clubs. Why would I even check you out after all that?"

I blabbered a lot maybe he was gonna catch my lie. "So that's what you are doing there. Going to strip clubs, Maggi" he comes near the bed, lands on the bed with a thud which makes me bounce a little and lays on his elbows so that he faces me.

" hey you are not my dad, so I don't owe you any explanation."

"ok then I will ask your dad about his opinion Maggi" 

"no, you wouldn't"

"yes I would"

Then my stomach starts making a loud grumbling noise. He immediately raised his eyebrows. "ignore it I just skipped my dinner"

"That's an unhealthy habit, ok then let's go ram ki bandi and eat"

" I am in my shorts," I say while checking the length of my shorts.

"People come wearing nothing there. So it doesn't matter. Wait for me outside I will dress up and take you"

I make my way to open the window. "use doors and stairs for once" he sighs in frustration

"it's bad luck" The few times I used I was not fond of the aftermaths. For once I saw Uncle slapping Alok, so never again.

"ok at least be careful"

I carefully get down. Wow, it's like I never am out of practice. The Alok comes in his shirt and shorts. He looked hot even in that. "where is your bike?" as it was not in its usual position.

"I sold it"

"why?" that was part of the duo. it made us the trio. that bike had its character. 

"because I no longer use it" 

"Why do you no longer use it?"

"because it is no longer practical"

"When have you even started being practical? maybe that's what old age does to you"

He has had enough of me already I guess. He opens his car door for me. 

"you haven't changed at all". It's true. this is me being back home. 

I enter the car. close the door and look at him. "seat belt" he says. " seriously when have you become this old" I say while putting on my seat belt.

As we stopped near Ram ki Bandi I became self-conscious about my appearance as I looked in the mirror. As I was about to set my hair looking in the mirror, he turned me so that my back faced him and started braiding my hair. He comes near my ear and whispers "You look good just the way you are". he gives a squeeze to my shoulder and leaves. I blush but I cover it up.

Things have changed between us. I just don't know if it is for good or bad.

"what do you want to eat?"

"dosa"

"What kind?"

"Oh, then let me come with you and see what is there on the menu."

When I was checking out the menu, I could sense people's gazes on my legs. Maybe I shouldn't have worn these shorts here. Then I sense Alok holding my shoulders with both his hands and I see him glaring at the guy staring at my legs. The poor guy scared runs in the other direction. He squeezes my shoulders and asks what I want.

I say that I want masala dosa he rolls his eyes as that's what I order every time.

He goes and buys the food. At the same time, I sit on a car bumper. He brings food as usual I eat mine as well as his. It's like nothing has changed. It's like I never left.

"so how is life going on here?" I ask while cleaning my lips with water.

"work, work and work that's the only thing going on in my life"

"what about you other than strip clubs there?"

"Nothing"

Even though I have the urge to ask him about his dating life, I don't. maybe he found the person, his dream girl, whom he imagined all his life. The one. It's so stupid because love doesn't exist that way. He was always this hopeless romantic. But even if he changed, maybe the world would break everyone. I haven't been with him for a while Especially after his father's death.

And the elephant in the room has never been discussed with him after. It's like it never happened even though it happened 2 years ago It's still fresh in my memory. Maybe he forgot everything. Let it be that way, I don't want to lose him anyway, this mere attraction will go away eventually but him, no way. He is for life. His friendship is the only thing that saved me in childhood and I never want to lose it.